Mittwoch, 30. Juni 2010


Welch Trauer erfüllt mein Herz.
Selbst wenn die Bedingung noch nicht erfüllt ist, so ist doch erschütternd zu lesen, welch Konsequenz daraus resultieren würde.
Unglücklicherweise jedoch, weiß ich nicht wann er für sich entscheidet, dass die Bedingung erfüllt ist. Also muss ich wohl darauf hoffen, dass er entweder schlechte Laune hatte oder aber ja..bangen. Andererseits...wäre es nur schlechte Laune, hätte er wohl nicht sowas von sich gegeben.

Ein schwarzer Mittwoch, wie es scheint.

Freitag, 25. Juni 2010

Das frustet!


Sinnvoller Eintrag ja ich weiß, aber ich will net ständig alles in Twitter rinschreiben weil alles was ich da bisher reingeschrieben habe, vergesse ich eh wieder.

Und ich glaube zu wissen, dass selbst mit diesen wenigen Worten ich auch noch in 3 Monaten weiß, was gemeint ist.
Aber ich hoffe in den nächsten Monaten frustriert es mich nicht mehr.
Auf das mal eine Wende so langsam einkehrt....

Montag, 21. Juni 2010

I reached it!

Yes I reached this kind of point in my Hideki adoring finally!
What kind ???
The bashing point XDD

Actually that is and was always my favourite point when it comes to Ryo. because at the point when you start to realize that a person you like has not only good but  also weak points the person becomes more human. XD
In the beginning it's always like: Oh yes perfect! (through the rose-coloured glasses XD) although you see the weak points too but it's like..even so they are not visible. Well in the end it doesn't make the people less likeable but it shows somehow more personality. Of course, it's also subjective.
Like for example my mum got pissed off the day before yesterday coz she feels like I don't like her and treat her like junk. Well this is not true, but I think coz I like her I have to show my true self. And if my true self is in a bad mood I show it.
Everytime I am sighing while walking upstairs she asks: "What is it???" And I am like "It's nothing." coz in these moments it's really nothing. I don't know why people always consider sighing as something is bothering you.
Well truth is my voice is not really a friendly's quite deep so it can be easily seen as "moody" no matter what I say. That's why I always try in public when I talk to strangers to make it sound friendly. But in fact, when I do so I personally think it sounds fake, just because I KNOW it's fake in those occasions. (>_<) But I don't want that strangers think I am unfriendly so I have no other option...(T_T)

Another thing. Since I lost all my pics (+ all music which wasn't on my ipod) ..lets personal Ryo picture collection about 11gb or what it was I decided to let it be. It's not like I am sad. In the end I think it was such a waste of time collecting pics. Pics are there to stare at them .but if you have thousand of pics of the same people it somehow feels wrong. Why do you collect thousand of pics of people you don't know but have like none of your friends and family you collect. That's something when you start to think about: Who are the people important to your life, those who make you happy and those you can always talk to when you feel down or bored.
Right now I have the feeling everything is fading.  Almost all the people I love are either already gone to far away places or are going in the next few months. And no matter if I say: Distance doesn't change anything, in the end it affects friendship a lot.
This is bothersome...coz in the last years although they are all so close even then meetings were rare. I don't think it's coz our friendships have become weaker or we just don't care for each other anymore, it's somehow...well I don't know what you call this. It's like as if time is frozen but even so it's running..but then when you look much time passed by but the feelings are still the same. Such a feeling.

Hmm I think I will go to bed now. XD

Ah before I forget it...


Ich hoffe du kriegst uch heute zum Bday Kuchen! (Wenn Mario der Fresssack nicht alles ufffrisst >__>)

Dienstag, 15. Juni 2010

So nah und doch so fern

Hmm. Man kanns auch pure langeweile mit nen grossen schuss unwissenheit und nen spritzer wut nennen, aber diesen spritzer versuch ich zu unterdruecken solange ich nichts weiss. Und dann dieses staendige hin und her. Wenn etwas beendet ist, steht gleich was neues am naechsten tag an.das leben ist wirklich voller nervige dinge die man so tag fuer tag durchlaeuft. Und dann hat man noch nicht mal etwas auf das man sich freuen kann. Ermuedend.


If i could i would kill off the comment writing for this but i cant with my phone here, so... It still hurts. I knew before i did it that i would feel like this for a long time but still i couldnt resist. So here i am feeling bad everytime i see him. I am asking me how i could do such a thing. Always asking myself why i do enjoy the risk and hurt those who are the most important to me. Serious problem coz in the end it hurts me too :(

Sonntag, 13. Juni 2010


My pc died! Once again after 2 years it died. Annoying :( the doctor said its either the processor or the the board in general who knows. I think he formated my drive @.@ i somehow heard something about xp. Keep your crappy xp for youself! I need win7! Coz xp is horrible for my wlan card driver + its annoying for japanese purpose. God, writing on this cellphone is horrible too. Well well lets see how much the shit costs etc. Apart from that i need to buy also a laptop next month

Donnerstag, 10. Juni 2010


Stolen from [info]1stepcl0ser

Cross out the one’s you’ve done:

Graduated High School.
Kissed someone.
Smoked cigarettes.
Got so drunk you passed out.
Rode every ride at an amusement park.
Collected something really stupid.
Gone to a rock concert.
Helped someone.
Gone fishing.

Watched four movies in one night.
Gone long periods of time with out sleep.
Lied to someone.

Snorted cocaine.
Failed a class.
Smoked weed.

Dealt drugs.
Taken a college level course.
Been in a car accident.
Been in a tornado.
Done hard drugs (i.e. ecstasy, heroin, crack, meth, acid).
Watched someone die.
Been to a funeral.
Burned yourself. (by accident of course >_>)
Ran a marathon.
Your parents got divorced. (I think you call it divorve too if one of them dies? o_o)
Cried yourself to sleep.
Spent over £100 in one day.
Flown on a plane.
Cheated on someone.
Been cheated on.
Written a 10 page letter.
Gone skiing.
Been sailing.
Cut yourself on purpose. (though it wasn't because I am emo..I just wondered what it looks like if I cut something in my skin. no scar luckily :O)
Had a best friend.
Lost someone you loved.
Shoplifted something.
Been to jail.
Dangerously close to being in jail.
Had detention. (Just at school XD but the whole class had to because we all skipped an art lesson coz of a stupid teacher)
Skipped school.
Got in trouble for something you didn’t do.
Stolen books from the library.
Gone to a different country.
Dropped out of school. (well you can say I was dropped out but it was on purpose o_o)
Been in a mental hospital.
Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.
Had an online diary.
Fired a gun. (not a real one XD)
Gambled in a casino.
Had a yard sale.
Had a lemonade stand.
Actually made money at the lemonade stand.
Been in a school play.
Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Swam with dolphins.
Gone to sea world.
Voted for someone on a reality TV show.
Written poetry.
Read more than 20 books a year.
Gone to Europe.
Loved someone you couldn’t have.
Wondered about your sexuality.
Used a coloring book over age 12.
Had surgery.
Had stitches.
Taken a taxi.
Seen the Washington Monument.
Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once.
Had a drug or alcohol problem.
Been in a fist fight.
Suffered any form of abuse.
Had a hamster.
Petted a wild animal.
Gone surfing in California.
Did “spirit day” at school.
Dyed your hair.
Got a tattoo.
Had something pierced.
Got straight A’s.
Been on the Honor Roll. (in elementary school 3 times! XDD)
Known someone with HIV or AIDS.
Taken pictures with a webcam.
Started a fire
Gotten caught having a party while parents were gone away.
Had sex.
Had sex with your same sex.
Kissed somebody of the same sex.

Have a deep dark secret.
Gone to a rave club.
Ate a big bowl of ice cream.

Yeah I am an arrogant bitch o_o

I was told to get over myself by some anon. lol It still amuses me. I love anons because they make me feel they dont have the guts to talk to me with their "real" identity :O  Such cowards.
If you consider "having other preferences" as arrogant , yes please, do so. XD

I am so arrogant I didn't even do anything for the last few months for my fandom..because..there is no need ?  Who needs stuff like acknowledgement. I was already thinking the last days if it wasn't better if there was an additional admin or mod at [info]ryo_watch.
Just because I don't know if I have much time anymore starting from August. (I probably won't >_<) Hmm but zsu is there, so it might be alright? idk o.o
But seriously to consider yourself as "something better" or as person who doesn't like drooling for a certain guy anymore,,,that's a totally different thing.
With fandom it's like with a love relationship.. If you fall in feel like head over feels, it feels fresh, you can't stop fangirling and talk about shit like wanting to marry this person, or how sexy he is....and whatever...but like in every love relationship..this kind of exciting lovely feeling gets lost someday. I doesn't change the love in general..but it's fading somehow. o-o?
As for this..Ryo and me seem like an old "couple" by now. XDDDD

But you know distance..and after a certain amount of feel like it's a fresh love again. lol

Ah..need to go to the dentist in another town next week. My wisdoom tooth will be removed :I
Oh dude, my english becomes worser with every day..same goes for my german. I blame the japanese language :(

So tired today..finally a morning will come when I can sleep as long as I want again. I am simply not used to getting up early  3 days in a row. Well would have worked out if I went earlier to bed than 3am everytime =_=
Already missing these times of a day. I guess it will become so rare for me to be still awake at such a time. Starting work at 5.30am...etc. @.@ And since I love to sleep much and dont feel well when I just sleep about 6 hours I will probably always go to bed at 8pm XD""
Well its stil the time rhythmn...if you see it from the japanese time viewpoint o,O

Alright enough enough...I wonder if I get DETROX' ah today~~~~~ 愛してるから ah ah!! Yes Hideki give it to me :D 
bed bed bed *runs*

Sonntag, 6. Juni 2010





と、これは完璧だよ!~ \(・∀・)/


06 June 2010 @ 01:30 pm

Eine neue Brille...nach 5 Stunden 6 Kratzer..huh oO
Ich frag mich was die Leute damit gemacht haben, nachdem ich sie aufn Tisch gelegt habe und sie die nach drinnen ins Gartenhäuschen gepackt haben. Fakt ist, es macht mich immer noch stinkend wütend -__-""""

aber ist wohl meine eigene schuld..ich mein was trag ich die gleich den ganzen tag wo ich sonst eh keine brille trage..aber ich dachte ne brille ist zum tragen da?? naja -_-

Dienstag, 1. Juni 2010

01 June 2010 @ 07:48 am

That was my belated April's fool.
Wow I feel so bad...lool