Thinking o.o

No deep thoughts for real...but I am thinking of making this place here to my new blog home.
Unfortunately all my past entries of the last 5 years are on livejournal and if I don't take them to this place, I feel incomplete :(
But actually I like this place here more than LJ. It feels more comfortable o.o
Well I only copy my lj entries one by one I might have finished it in some months.....it's not like I wrote 1000 entries in the last 5 years I think...but oh wait...

"1.312 Journal-Einträge, 90 Kategorien, 15 Erinnerungen, 30+ ScrapBook-"

So I indeed have more than 1000entries XDDD
Well I don't mind...
I already got shocked by copying the ones from 2005. They are all crazy...might be because I was a lot younger? :D"
And then I also looked at my hideki tags and was giggling because reading it seems so...I don't know different. Who has ever thought that situations change. But no matter what, I am still in a very annoying situation. The rest of my life seems all alright but this is the only thing which is worrying me..or let's rather say which makes my life seem horrible lately. But I can't tell him that he is the only reason why my life feels ruined lately, although it would be the truth. However on the other hand, of course I can't blame him for his decision..he has to do what he has to do to make the majority happy. when he only tries to make individuals happy, other people will feel jealous... Quite frustrating for both of us. lol
Well in the end it probably was more frustrating for me than for him because I can be replaced easily. I mean in the end I am just a bothersome money source as a fan. I can't give money most of the time because I can't attend anything.
But then I wonder, what is his source of money? It's not like he earns a lot just by doing these kind of small concerts...porn? :D" いやいや！

Oh it's been a while since I enjoyed writing a blog! Actually the only reason why I didn't is...I didn't have any reason why I should write!!!
But as soon as I start writing, I can't stop XDD
Uwaaaah only 2am! Well actually I am glad that we don't exchange messages anymore. I put too much efforts in it...I have showed too much of myself..I also wrote too much into the mails....
Of course I am worried about what he thinks about me right now. I don't know if he really feels sorry or if he was just polite. But maybe..or let's rather say..probably...I will never know!
And I am still unsure about what to do....