Mittwoch, 4. Januar 2012

Good evening!

Today I have/had my day off...tomorrow is early shift again.
This day was quite relaxing. Well every day off is relaxing because I am lazy.
All I did is showering, eating, hating my lip herpes..and feeling sad ó.ò
And I already broke my new year's resolution...but that's not my fault....I just didn't want it like this...
I mean...he should know that even if I don't continue commenting anymore that I still like him in some way or another. But I was scared that I am the only apparently I am not which makes me feel relieved. But no matter what happens it doesn't feel like before. It will probably never be like before but...mmh he probably doesn't care so I shouldn't care either. After all it was also often him who said I shouldn't worry about him etc. but I think that's the japanese way. Troublesome.

Soon it's already 1/4 year ago since I was in Japan and all..but it feels like yesterday.
Everything feels the same. It's like with my friends..even if I didn't see them for months or even a year the feelings towards them are the if we were never seperated.
And while I feel the desire to go to Japan again, I also feel the uncomfortable feeling of going there again. And I also feel the desire just to crawl somewhere without coming out again.
When life is such adventure, I seriously prefer my boring life without adventures because in the end adventures always contain good and bad incidents.
But I also feel like having the same thoughts all the time. My feet are always going forth and back. All I want is to proceed...but I don't know where I should go to proceed...clinging to the past which felt good is easier than heading to an unknown place. Also if my will is not strong enough to proceed, I simply won't proceed. Probably I am too young to have something like a strong release what's in the past.
But you know, releasing everything is not what I want. There are some parts I always want to be with in future...but that's why I also can't release the stuff I want to....everything seems connected with each other.
However, I am not a crybaby so crying is a no-go. It's all psychically so there must be a method to live with it. But being gentle after's something which is hard for matter how many people motivate me it's fruitless as long as it's not the right person.

写真見るたびに、頬を撫でたいような気がする.....無理無理....肌がソフトかな?知りたくてたまらない </3