Maybe just too blind..

that it is no good. *sighs*
Oh I am teary a lot in the last days. However I don't know if it are tears of joy or sadness. I think it's both.
I just remember hachan's word yesterday at the same time.
"Don't get all worked up about it too much."

I know I know...I know...but those are moments when I actually just notice this loss. It's a loss for me, that I can't bear with.
All my intentions vanished as well because of that.  I thought it's a good thing to do, but the more you feel it, the more painful it gets.
I am actually not afraid of emotions but if  something like this makes you mentally weak like that...I thought for a long time it's something good, but too emotional stuff oh well...I might just love it too much that's why it hurts. Memories..just memories left.

There are periods when I get over it and when I am busy with something different but then again
I slowly go back...it's something no matter how often I do it, I won't get tired of it. It's more than a obsession, it's a part of my life...but it's not present...I cling myself to that past with a deep hope.愛は希望へ続くから ...Hope is good...but if you have too much of it...it's disgusting. It's like I am turning into a disgusting person who stops at nothing just to make this past memory bloom again. But no matter how much bad things I wish to happen just to get my own happiness, it's useless.

Why I just can't accept it...
ここが何処か　何なのか　誰なのか解らなくさせる