Maybe just too blind..

that it is no good. *sighs*
Oh I am teary a lot in the last days. However I don't know if it are tears of joy or sadness. I think it's both.
I just remember hachan's word yesterday at the same time.
"Don't get all worked up about it too much."

I know I know...I know...but those are moments when I actually just notice this loss. It's a loss for me, that I can't bear with.
All my intentions vanished as well because of that.  I thought it's a good thing to do, but the more you feel it, the more painful it gets.
I am actually not afraid of emotions but if  something like this makes you mentally weak like that...I thought for a long time it's something good, but too emotional stuff oh well...I might just love it too much that's why it hurts. Memories..just memories left.

There are periods when I get over it and when I am busy with something different but then again
I slowly go back...it's something no matter how often I do it, I won't get tired of it. It's more than a obsession, it's a part of my life...but it's not present...I cling myself to that past with a deep hope.愛は希望へ続くから ...Hope is good...but if you have too much of it...it's disgusting. It's like I am turning into a disgusting person who stops at nothing just to make this past memory bloom again. But no matter how much bad things I wish to happen just to get my own happiness, it's useless.

Why I just can't accept it...
ここが何処か　何なのか　誰なのか解らなくさせる

Your love この胸に抱きしめる

Did it again...and there won't be an end. Next is Adorenarin I think...

Ah this song was not bothersome at all, simple topic but again for fans <3
too bad it makes me teary too to see a tear dropping Hideki :/

Anyway, speaking of this I already finished my birthday letter for the detrox bbs. i remember I already tried one time ago to post there. in the end I couldn't send it because they don't allow strangers to write in there somehow. sucks..so I will try with proxy..and if that doesn't work I need to find someone whos in japan right now to copy it for me in there! please please~

~~~~~~~

Different topic: today I need to go to my stepsis because they simply don't know how to use their notebook. its funny somehow...but I dont want to talk about it much longer XDD BB!

its poison..but good one...

  【ドウキ★】 ～そのピエロは誰だろう？～                      sagt:
*der soll die schnauze halten und mir sagen dass siam shade geil ist
*und dann soll der mir nen hideki autogramm besorgen~~~~~~
*und hidekis email adresse
*damit hideki und ich eine studygroup machen
*ich bring ihm deutsch und englisch bei und er mir japanisch
*und dann verabreden wir uns für französisch unterricht

He should shup up and tell me that siam shade are awesome
and then he should get me an autograph by hideki
and hideki's mail adress
so that hideki and me can make a study group
I will teach him german and english and he teaches me japanese
and then we meet eachother for french lessons

*dies* it's adrenalin, I tell ya!
stop spamming now...YES! ;__;

My close friend, you don't cry 逢えない夜に凍えたら、 そっと瞳閉じて...

I bring some colour to your flist which is full of jpop and kpop :D XDD
Well for me its color...for you it might be bothersome, but you know what? I don't care because I do it for myself XDD

wow this was quick...Dear ❤
I think this was the first live performance I saw of Siam Shade..and I remember..the first thing I did while watching was: "Don't cry Hideki ;__;"
Well it's a song about the fans for the fans..and yes its the last concert they had at that time before breaking up..so...as much as it brings happiness, still sadness aaaw~

When Hideki sings about closing  eyes he means it literally like that ❤

Well the last 3 days spent with..Siam Shade more than i ever did in one periode..I mean not only listening but also watching and feeling the songs more with translating...aww  And its better than any medicine...because since I started that all my stomach problems and whatever seem faded away~ Yes Siam shade has a healing effect, you just need to believe in it. And I think it's not only the fact that Siam Shade was probably the blondest band of japanese bands, and not the fact that Hideki has the longest legs of whole Japan, and also not the fact that Natin's hair is blowing on stage like...I don't know..it's like his hair is light as a feather..blowing all fluffy like a flying carpet..lol

So..I wonder what to sub next~ the list is long...like...the to do list is definitely:
- Love (V7)
- Passion (V6)
- Ooki na ki no shita de (V8)
- Calling (V7)
maybe buranko from V8..hmm...I think there is more..but I think..next is love...actually I wanted to do passion next..but I need to wait XD
Well here I come my beautiful angelic white men~~ woaaah~

「俺がかっこいいだろう、 俺がすごいだろう~」
そうや！ すぐに結婚してください。 栄喜さんの子供を生むことが絶対にできる！
もうすぐ栄喜さんは38歳になるので、 早くしなきゃ~八(＾□＾*)

ファンギャルパターンキタ━━━━(ﾟ∀ﾟ)━━━━ｯ!!

英語で書くと恥ずかしすぎるんだから~ww

Das Leben...XD

I have done it again. These days, it's actually the only thing I do..not translating and subbing..thats part of it...but this is my Siam Shade week. Seriously <3

I remember I already posted this performance 2 years ago..when a friend died...and I also remember...it took a long time till I could rewatch it because everytime  it made me think of this friend again...but now...it's vanished. I don't like these moments...when people die and after years you feel like..they never even existed. Of course you know they existed but everything which remains are memories.  Problem is..memories are not touchable, so I cannot trust my memories like that either always. In the end it's also just subjective.

What I know is that it was a hard task to translate this song. I also think I still need some years until I am able to track all these lines of this song.  But I will be allways thankful that they performed it. If they didn't I think I would cry for the rest of my life :(

Anyway, In this way Hideki is always cheering me up. He's probably the only person I don't envy for his teeth, even though they look perfect.
In fact..Shamu fans know it better but yes it's cheering me up although it also gives a sad feeling when I think of how much pain he had to go throuigh with that.
Next is.."Dear" <3
and nothing more to write about..oh maybe I had but I don't want. You have to deal with my hardcore siam shade spamming in the next days XDD
AND: oh noooo youtube screened the part when Hideki looks scary...;___; XD

Those 2 people I adore...

Those 2 people I adore...  

What they do have a in common? They both love the Beatles and Nirvana and they both have blood type 0. 
As for their blogs, they are both lazy people.

Apart from that: Nothing!
Oh I think they both have a pure heart of a rocker...but when it comes to experience, fame and success they might be on two different levels.

One of both is an awesome performer, singer, songwriter and composer.
The other one an nice all-rounder even though he's probably still a rough diamond but still I can say I adore him for what he does.

One has still the goal to perform one day at the Tokyo Dome, even though it's a new goal after reaching so many others already. He's brave, loves risk, freedom and I think he never gets tired of starting from zero again. Too experimental to put it into words, he's a dork, a chatterbox, a cats-fanatic and he would never sell his soul for cash. He's very kind, he used his fame to support charity projects. There is not that much I can say about him but I really think I dont need talk much about him..I think hes the perfection..LOL..no prolly not. He's lisping when singing in English.

The other one, even though you know so much things about him, you don't know about his career dreams. He already managed the tokyo dome easily, does so many different stuff that I am not sure if he has something like a priority.  Compared to the other one he's young, not only in age but also in experience. I am not sure either if he will ever be able to know what he wants to achieve. There might be some freedom in his career but in the end it's quite limited. It's like a cage. So I wouldn't wonder either if he's a really lonely person inside of his heart. He might be the one of both who is for sure the more popular one, but speaking of happiness I guess he's the sadder one even if we don't see it. And I dont think its becaue of the career possibility but I could imagine if there is sadness it's definitely caused by the career and the side effects. Anyway what I adore about him is that his heart is capable of so much stuff. I love to see how he develops no matter in which direction it goes.

I am not sure if they ever met in real life. Probably not. Maybe they did on MS rehearsals long time ago. And with long time I really mean long time ago. In 1998 or 1999. I would have found it cute to see the small cute one standing next to the already tall adult.
I am not sure if they know of each other's existence either. But the tendency rather goes to...knowing about it.

If I had the chance to decide who I would join for one day. I guess I would go definitely for the older one. Even though they are both type 0, I guess the older one would be easier to get along with. Yes, I think if I would go with the other one we would easily have arguments, as we both have a sharp tongue and I can say with confidence that there are things that we don't like about each other.

After all I am convinced that they both represent their zodiacs very well.

The reason why I didn't call them by their names? Personally I think it's obvious who I talk about. And it's even more obvious if you know my likes.  And now I have to make a decision which icon I use. I think I will use none of both because I like both equally.

And..I finally finished my first subbed pv ever. I seriously appreciate the work of all fansubbers even more now. XD
Yes I think this PV is epic. It's probably the first pv by that band I ever saw in my life years ago. And it's probably one of the most perverted pvs I have seen in my life. Also...the lyrics are yes...very fitting to the pv. But at the same time I find it also amusing. And there is even a german connection in the beginning even if the text doesn't make sense at all. XD Good job Kazuma, one of your best works. Also the pv is nostalgic..as it's also 13 years old...aah but epic is epic, I can never say it often enough.

And..I consider doing weekly "TOPS of the week" so I won't get too lazy to write something...so everyone will be informed about several weekly highlights of my fandom life too..lol

Give him a home ~

Just give him one..please...I don't mind if he will be matched with Toma but just give him something he can cling to.
I don't want to see him standing around lonely next to all the other groups which treated him like air at the countdown.

Why don't they give him a hand, even i already did.

Poor baby *hugs* :(

PS. I can say it again and again..rolling coaster and brulle are EPIC btw maybe I am the only one who find it funny that the countdown concerts didn't have puzzle? o_o

What if...

I wonder what would happen if I start to hate someday what I love right now. I seriously think about it.
What I mean is..it's like when you have a relationship with someone for so many years and then you break up, what is this..such waste of time.
But if you look closely at it, anything can be a waste of time. I never want come to the point in my life...oh wait it already happened. Things like "why did I like (to do) that" such moments are nothing new..but I never want to face a certain event which totally changes my likes. In case it happens, well you can't do anything about it I guess. But when I think about it now, it feels like I would have totally wasted time and I guess I would regret it. Oh oh...my thoughts get weirder with every day.
I also wonder where are all the night owls went to I used to chat with the whole night. I don't even remember with whom I chatted with so many nights within the last 5 years.
Hachan went to bad early, but somehow I can remember it was not only her I talked all night with. Things changed without  noticing. It seems like I am the only person who is the same forever. Maybe it wouldn't be bad if I would change a little bit too.

Tomorrow I will tramp through the snow together with my mum to help her with her work. Not looking forward to it...but doing something helpful like that form time to time is also refreshing.
Nothing more to say for now. o.o
There is a gross movie on tv which I don't get. lol